This Blogs colors are dedicated to Heath Ledger's The Joker. I love both Heath Ledger AND The Joker. Rock on you two!

Going back to when I said all my thoughts are yours to hear, this blog might be a bit more bizarre than usual…at least at first. I’ll be talking about my frequent “That is a bad idea…let’s do it!” moments, my obsessive compulsive disorder—or my tendencies to act in such a way, facebook and my detaching myself from it, the current fad in pop-culture, dress-codes and how much they suck straws (yes, I just said that. I know, I know. I’m lame. What can I do? :P ), and my ongoing new year’s resolution.

Have you ever thought something and you know that it’s a bad idea and yet you continue to dwell on this yet-do-be-done act despite this? I do this all the time. For instance, just ten minutes ago I took some pain meds because I had a headache, and then I thought, “Gosh I love to take swallowing pills. It makes me feel so grown-up. I really want to take some more…” And that’s how it is for me. It always starts out as something simple like noticing that there is a small, uncovered, blue fan on the back of my computer and then my mind goes insane. “What a pretty fan! I just want to touch it! Look at it there spinning round and round and round. Wouldn’t it be fun to stick my finger in there?” Thank goodness for that little Lepre-Corn (Leprechaun slash Unicorn. Come on people. Major duh!) who plays my conscience. “No, Maria! It is not a good idea to use those metal tongs to get the toast out of the toaster, even if it means your fingers will be spared from touching the hot bread.” (Yes, I actually do that. Good thing Lady Luck is on my side, otherwise who knows when I would have died from doing some senseless thing like that.) But do you see what I am trying to say? I just get these bad ideas all the time. It’s horrible! Do you have those moments? What sort of moronic ideas do you get?

I don’t know if I have mentioned this before, but I am very OCD. I’m not sure if I legitimately have obsessive compulsive disorder, but I do have the reactions and tendencies of someone who does. I have to have the refrigerator magnets a certain way, the dishes in the dishwasher must be placed a specific way otherwise I go mad, things of that nature. Just earlier my sister, Risa (fake name), was eating milk and cookies—good stuff, that is—and she had the milk jug sitting on the island right on the edge with the cap carelessly thrown on the counter top. This really irritated me so I asked her to please put the cap on it and, if not put it away, at least move it further away from the edge. At first she ignored me, then, upon seeing my discomfort, she placed the cap on the top of the jug—being sure not to put the cap down securely—and moved it impossibly closer to the edge of the counter. It bugged me to no end. I knew she was provoking me but I couldn’t help it, I flew across the room, slammed the cap on tight, and put it away inside the fridge. I’m like this with many other things. Tags. I cannot stand it if someone’s tag is sticking out. Once, while in a store, I saw this young woman with her tag sticking out and so I ran to stick it back under the shirt where it belonged. Let me just say I never got a thank you for my deed. Now I only push tags in for people I actually know. One of these days I want to know if I seriously am OCD, just to get it off my mind.

What is it with Facebook? I have one, and, I admit, I used to be very attached to it, but now I find no appeal whatsoever toward it. The site bores me. It’s a nice way to speak with friends without having to leave the comfort of your home, sure. But it doesn’t have the same hold on me that it once did. I was very competitive with facebook a while back. I had to have the most friends, the best score on the games, the most statuses posted within the hour, ect. ect. I’ve decided I no longer care. What good comes of never leaving your computer anyway? All I’ve received for my diligence to facebook is a loss of social interaction and a major procrastination problem. I’ve decided to, slowly with time, detach myself from facebook. This starts with my contacts. I deleted all but 62 people whom I talk to and/or see on a regular basis. I am so proud of myself n_n Are you addicted?

So I realized something about three days ago. I was thinking about past and present fads when I suddenly thought of a fad that I hadn’t even thought of as a fad until that moment. All this obsession with fantasy. This fad has been in effect for quite some time but I believe that, at this point in time, it is at its peak of popularity. Think about it. All you see and hear about nowadays are books on wizards and vampires and people with special abilities. You go watch a tv show or movie and fantasy is just oozing out of the screen, screaming in your ears to sit and pay attention, whispering to you “You enjoy this don’t you? Watch some more. It's what everyone is into...” I’ve seen whole groups of people, college students actually, who have organized a big game of playing zombies at their campus. Fad. Now I’m not about to imply that I have not taken part in this fad. I have, I admit. But—my god! It’s unbelievable how much this fad has grown. The fact that I hadn’t even realized this was a fad until three days ago speaks for itself. With this insight comes the fun part, however. Now that I am aware of the current situation, I can move past this crowd of followers and make and think a whole new way. I am prepared to move past this and start a new trend. All this time I thought I was original but it turns out I was just one of a million flocking sheep. No more though. I now have the great weapon of knowledge ;)

All right, it’s complaining time with Maria. [Cue’s random theme song] Let’s talk about dress-codes for a minute, shall we? To be blunt, dress-codes suck straws! (I said it again. Give the blogger a prize! [Random plane flies buy, dropping off a mini parachute with a tiny trophy in the shape of a B for blogger.] Oh wow! I’d like to thank my mom, my dad, and all the members of the academy…) I think I talked briefly with you all about how I’m going to a thing called Teenpact, yes? (Coming up in two days, yikes!) Well, Teenpact haS a dress-code and I completely hate it. The youth attending are to dress “professionally.” Let me break down what that means (the dress-code for the ladies, that is. I have no idea what to say about the guys' dress-code.). Girls must wear skirts (or dresses) and those skirts must stop below the knee…even while sitting. What kind of bullshark is that?!! (yes, I just said “bullshark” as opposed to “bullsh**” Another silly substitute curse word to add to your long list of things to steal from me, eh? I don’t believe in cussing out my readers, so no making fun of me, ‘kay?) Do these people know how hard it is to find a skirt/dress that length? It’s next to impossible! Also, I don’t know about them, but I was born wearing jeans! (This is a total lie. I was born naked just like the rest of you. You should know by now not to take me too seriously.) I am not comfortable wearing a skirt all day long! Next on their ludicrous list of things to take away along with my dignity: all shoes must be either flats (yuk!) or heels (okay.). Know what that means? No converse shoes—I was also born in those—and no flip-flops which would have been my alternative to no converse. What the flip is wrong with these freaks?! Take away all I love why don’t you? So, I have decided to “stick it to the man.” I am going to accessorize. That means ribbons, pins, buttons, studded belts, rings, bracelets, rainbow eye shadow, face paint—the works. Any ideas on how to use this loophole for al it’s worth? Leave a comment with your suggestions :)

Last topic for the day: New Year’s Resolutions. Do you make one? I don’t usually make one—well; I don’t make new ones, that is. Every year for the past three years I have made the same resolution: to own/have every song, artist, and album I have ever wanted and currently want. I didn’t do much in the way of accomplishing this because I am always broke so it’s really rare for me to be able to buy music. But last Spring I discovered something that changed my life forever. The library isn’t just good for getting books. They have CD’s too, who knew? Not I. So I went from having 200 odd songs to 2000 odd songs. It’s wonderful, this library thing. Great for poor people like me who are much to lazy and pressed for time to get a job. I’m not done, though. There are still hundreds more bands and artists I want, and so many more to discover!

Listening to: Silver Speak by Blindside

Chewing: Orbit Spearmint gum, my favorite.

Writing: This

Reading: What I’m writing

Thinking about: How dreadful my handwriting is (I’m currently writing this by hand. I’ll type this up later.)

Getting ready to: Go shopping for things to beef-up my Teenpact wardrobe ;)

Comments are better than saying “Bullshark!” and “Sucks Straws!”

Love,

Maria

The Vain, Cat Lady Prodigy, Wrinkle-free, College bound blogger

Dear Blog,

Mood: Apathetic.

My life is spiraling downward. I couldn't get enough money to go to the Blood Red Romance and Suffocate Me Dry concert. It sucks 'cause they play some of my favorite songs like 'Stab My Heart Because I Love You' and 'Rip Apart My Soul' and of course, 'Stabby Rip Stab Stab'. And it doesn't help that I couldn't get my hair to do that flippy thingy. Like that guy from that band can do. Some days, you know...

Haha, alright. No more silly music quotes (that was a direct reference to I Must Be Emo by Hollywood Undead, if you didn’t catch that). I’ll be serious now, I promise J Well, as the title says, I am going to be getting a bit vain on here, at least for a few minutes. I think we all deserve to be vain once in a while though, so this is okay, right? Right. If you’d rather not read a whole paragraph about my complimenting myself, then just skip this next one ;)

Well, this morning I discovered something. I am really really pretty (…in my own way.). I woke up, looked in the mirror and, I don’t know. It was like something in my mind just…clicked. And then, BAM! It hit me, all those times people had told me I was pretty (though, admiringly, that’s only happened about three times.), they weren’t searching for a compliment for themselves. They were telling me the truth! Even if they weren’t and I’m just thinking about this too much, this realization that I am fairly attractive is a new feeling for me. I like this. Some of the things I notice about myself while coming to this discovery, I have naturally straight teeth (which I knew anyway because my parents are always happy that I won’t need braces), I have really big brown eyes and long lashes to match. Although you can’t really see my eyes because of my glasses, when I took them off my eyes were extremely pretty. Also, my curly hair which I have hated my whole life up until last year (and I still only half liked it then), looks really good on me and compliments my face shape. I have amazingly clear skin. And, lastly, something I have never noticed before, I have these beautiful high cheek bones. How could I have not noticed all this?! I’m not sure what made me see how beautiful I am, but I like this feeling.

Alright, now onto the next topic. Animals. For some unknown reason, almost all animals I encounter love me. Am I a cat lady prodigy or something? It is my destiny to be that odd old woman whom owns so many birds she might as well go live in the woods? All I know is, nearly every time I go to hang out with a friend for the first or second time, their animals take a liking to me. Example? Well, you remember my friend Alice, right? Well, Alice has two cats and a dog. On my second time to spend the night at her house, we were both playing the video game Kingdom Hearts (great game, by the way). Well, halfway through the game her cat Noel came by us and Alice picked her up and placed her on my lap. Obviously, she was expecting Noel to just jump right out of my lap. Noel stayed there for three hours. The only reason she jumped off my lap after three hours was because I was currently fighting a REALLY FREAKING HARD boss and I was getting a bit too into it and therefore startled her. Later, Alice told me that it was really rare for Noel to sit on friends’ laps; even sometimes she doesn’t like being in Alice’s lap. And other example: an old friend of mine, Natalie (fake name), had ten pets. One of those pets was a very vicious dog who hated everyone’s guts. Samuel, I think was his name. He’d snap at anyone he saw, including Natalie. Well, Natalie and I had been swimming outside all day so I decided to take a nap in the shade for a while. I wake up and there is Samuel sleeping on top of my legs. Last example: (this happened recently) I was spending the night at Jade’s house and we both wound down around 1 ish. I wake up sometime in the morning and there, snuggled up next to my face underneath the pillow with me (I sleep with my head under the pillow. Don’t ask why, I just do.), is Jade’s dog Jallie. I was surprised at first but then I just went back to sleep. When I woke up again she was down at the bottom of the bed by our feet. I must be some kind of animal whisperer, that’s all I can make out of this.

College. The thing that has all of us high school students cowering in corners, crying tears for our mothers. Yes, that dreadful place that farces you to learn things for another four years. Just when you're think your threw with education and al it entitles, you find out that there is, in fact, four more years to endure. College [cringe]. Well, this horrendous thing that everyone is afraid and stressed about, I am actually quite excited for. Now some of you may say, “Maria, how can this be?” I shall tell you. The answer is simple really. Seven syllables, four words, two statements: No parents. Total freedom. Yesterday I went to go get my hair cut and my hair stylist, Karen (fake name), was talking about college. And so, sitting there in my little chair waiting for my turn, I began to Google a bunch of colleges specializing in what I’m interested in. When I go to college I am either going to major in Latin and minor in psychology, or major in psychology and minor in Latin. Either one, I’m happy with. While I am gifted in both writing and art, I realize that I am not good enough to pursue these as careers, so I’ve chosen those two, both of which I have a passion for. I’m not sure exactly where I want to go to college yet but I do know that I want to live on campus and would really prefer it was not in this state (Sorry dad. Your little girl is leaving this cage whether you like it or not!).

Tan vs. Pale. Which one is best? Tan makes you look pretty (as long as it’s not over done and looks natural), but so does being pale. Honestly, I can’t think of too many arguments in favor of tanning. All I have to say is that pale is just as nice looking as being pale (once again, as long as it’s not over done.), pale people won’t get skin cancer from being out in the sun all day and all night, and pale people will look much MUCH better than tan people will when they are old and grey. All of you tan people will be the most wrinkly and revolting elders on the block, whereas all of us pretty white porcelain dolls will have smooth spotless skin. Hah! We win

Irrational fears. What can we say about them except that they are, well, irrational! I watched a video recently where a girl was demonstrating one of her irrational fears. What are your irrational fears? Here are some of my silly fears and paranoia’s:

· When I kill a bug, its family will hunt me down a kill me.

· When I take a shower a serial killer will burst into my bathroom and kill me…naked! No! Let me put clothes on first, please!!

· I will play my music a bit too loud and the glass in my glasses will break and then get into my eyes and then I will become blind.

· There is a man from the CIA listening in on all of my phone calls.

· Everything enjoyable that I eat has some secret ingredient that’s really gross like bugs (fact: most red dye is made from a certain species of bugs. You will find I don’t make a habit of eating red things that have been altered in any way.)

· When watching tv, the people on the tv can actually see me.

· When I go to sleep, all my stuffed animals and everything in my room with a face comes to life. (I try to be as nice to my stuffed animals as I can.)

· When I buy new clothes/shoes/anything I try and make a good first impression on them so that they don’t decide they don’t like me and either run away and I never see them again, or they decide to rip/break so I can’t use them.

· Because of my first fear on here, sometimes I give a dead bug a mini funeral to show my respects.

· My mother is actually the terminator in disguise and is just waiting for the right moment to kill me.

· I can never sleep if my little sister’s (i share a room with my younger sister) face is angled toward me. I have to wake her up and make her face the other way otherwise I feel as if when I close my eyes she is looking at me, ready to kill me.

· I can never have any door to the room I am in open, otherwise I feel as if the moment I turn my back on the door someone is standing there staring at me.

I have a TON more, but this list is getting fairly long, so I’ll just stop here. Hope I didn’t bore you all to tears. Goodbye, until later J

Comments are better than pale skin

Love,

Maria

The Wisdom Of A High School Blogger

Hello everyone! I know I have not been keeping up my promise to post once daily so I have decided to apologize by posting my current beliefs and wisdom to share. Of course, I realize that most of you might take all these next thoughts in a way that is not how I intend it so let me just tell you now: these are my beliefs and I am simply sharing with you. I am not putting myself on a pedestal and trying to say that I know how life should be, simply, I’m just telling you what I think about certain things. Maybe you will agree, maybe you will learn something, maybe you will just resent my thoughts. I don’t mind whichever of these it is for you. All of what is to come is my opinions. That’s all. Other than that, enjoy!

1. The habit of saying “I’m sorry”: What an annoying habit. My belief in this is that if whatever it is you are saying “I’m sorry” for doesn’t directly involve you, keep your yap shut. This isn’t about you and you can’t understand and empathize. Be quiet. Not only will you perpetually annoy the person that you are saying this to, but you are accomplishing absolutely nothing in saying this. If what you say makes no difference on anything, why say it? If you have a friend who is sad or angry about something and you haven’t gone through it DO NOT SAY “I’m sorry”! They didn’t come to you for your pity. They came to you to let off steam and not be judged for it. They came to you because they know you love them and they expect you to have their back. So step up to the plate and have their back! Let them rant to you about what has happened, let them curse the world out, let them cry, let them feel emotional. If you have been in the same or similar situation tell them about it, compare your stories, rant with them. Not at them. Do not point what you feel at them. That’s not going to help. If you don’t know what to say at all, simply let them get it all out then try to cheer them up. Everyone wants someone to come to their side and let them know they are loved by you (unless, of course, you’re the one they are unhappy with). Don’t judge them; don’t tell them they are wrong or over-reacting. Even if they are, the point is to make them feel better, not put them even further down.

2. Weight and insecurities about it: As a teenage girl I know what it’s like to feel insecure. In fact, I battled with my insecurity quiet a lot about two years ago. I was an average sized girl surrounded by very skinny girls. And, as many know well, when you don’t fit in you feel inferior. I began to hate myself, in a way, and was not a very happy child. I would constantly weigh myself and then compare my weight to that of my stick-thin friends. I was always much heavier when looking at the numbers. Well, now over my insecurity, I have a fairly basic philosophy to keep out of the self-hating ring: just don’t weigh yourself. If you weigh yourself and you are fairly skinny, you will freak out and try to gain some more weight. If you are a bit too heavy for your liking then you will go crazy trying to lose weight. If you are the perfect size you will still worry night and day that you might suddenly lose this perfection. So my method? Don’t weigh yourself. The thought of how much you weigh will rarely ever enter your mind and you will be a lot happier. It’s much easier to get things done and live your life when you don’t let a simple thing like size pull you down.

3. What other people think of you: From the age you gain your own mind until you die, you will, to some degree, worry about what others think of you. What do I have to say about this? It’s none of your business what others think of you! Honestly, how silly is it to fret over whether or not Georgina Brown likes your new haircut? Or whether Tommy Whitefield thinks you’re cute? It doesn’t matter! Even if your best friend lied to you about liking you’re hair straightened, is that really going to change your life? You might get in a fight, you might even stop being friends, but, ultimately, you’re still going to live your life the same. Now, I will admit, that sometimes what people think of you can be a really life changing thing, for example, if your teacher doesn’t like you it’s a possibility you will fail that class. But on the whole, it shouldn’t matter that others think of you. It’s a complete invasion of privacy for them and also rather rude for you to spend so much time trying to figure out what they are thinking of you.

4. Trying to fit in with people whom you admire: All I can say to this is that no one likes a fake. NO ONE. You might know a group of friends who all have something in common. They all dress in the same way, or they all like the same kind of music, or they all like the same kind of movies. You want to be a part of this circle. One problem. You don’t share this common factor. So, you promptly force yourself to listen/watch/wear this so that they will like and hang out with you as well. First off, it’s really pathetic that you have to pretend you’re interested in something you’re not just so you can have these guys as friends. That doesn’t speak well of you OR your “friends.” If they only want to hang out with you because of what you wear/watch/listen to then they are superficial and don’t deserve your time. Instead of having to go through such trouble to be buddy buddy with these people why don’t you just be yourself? Your quirky, annoying, gross, funny, smart, one-of-a-kind self. Odds are there’s SOMEONE out in the world who shares your interest in WoW or James Bond. Don’t waste your time with people who don’t like you for who you are, be yourself and find someone who likes you and will stick by you.

That is all that comes to mind at present. I might get more to talk about later. Until then, i'll see you all soon :)

COMMENTS ARE BETTER THAN SAYING "I'M SORRY" (Really, it's true.)

Love,

Maria.

Never fear, Maria is here!

Hello everyone! Are you all having a good March, because I know I am? :) About two days ago I promised a friend that I would post something new on here and I sort of broke that promise since I haven't posted when I said I would. This post is for you, dear Jade. Please forgive me in my lateness but I simply was not in a writing mood last night....or the night before...or the night before that. I have made myself a big list of things to talk about. Never fear, Maria is here!

Number one on my agenda to talk about today: Moulin Rouge! (Pronounced Moo-lan Roo-ge, for those of you who can't pronounce it right.) Moulin Rouge is basically about a writer, Christian, and a prostitute (do not judge!), Satine, who fall in love. Satine, however, has been told to sleep with The Duke, a nasty man with lots of money to spend on the theater where Satine works. Worse comes to worse, and at the end Satine ends up dead, but don't let that stop you from watching! It's a GREAT movie. Like Titanic (again, don't judge. I like that movie. Now let's move on, okay?), just because the good person dies doesn't mean it's a bad movie. ALSO! In this movie, they sing tons and tons of famous songs from Marilyn Monroe's "Diamonds Are A Girls Best Friend" to Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit." My favorite song in this whole movie was "El Tango De Roxanne." Oh. My. Lord. That song gave me goose bumps. Go buy the album on iTunes, NOW!

Alright, next order of business: Bugs. They scary me to freaking death. I know, I know. "But you’re so much bigger than them," "Just step on them. All gone." "Your __ years old! Stop being such a baby!" Well you know what? You can just go take a flying hike! Bugs scare me, okay? Mostly Spiders, but all other bugs freak me out too. Well, unfortunately for me, bugs happen to love my bedroom. Of all the rooms in my house, I think that my room, the laundry room (also another unfortunate place for them to choose), and my older sisters room are the rooms they like the most. I almost never see any except in those rooms. Well, our house, my room specifically, has lots and lots of Silverfish. I think I am starting to develop a phobia for those things along with my Arachnophobia... Whenever I come into my room I usually find at least one crawling on the wall or on the ceiling. Lately the ones that crawl on the ceiling have been falling off.....onto my bed. The first time this happened I didn't see it fall from the ceiling. I just had the extremely frightening experience of lying in my bed and suddenly seeing a silverfish crawl from under my arm (I didn't sleep in my room for three days.). The second time this happened was last night, I was laying in my bed reading and there was a Silverfish crawling around on the ceiling and I was keeping a close eye on it. When I looked up from my book to see where he was at I didn't see him anymore. He was gone. Flashes of all kinds of horrid scenarios went through my head and before you could blink an eye I was out of that bed clutching my book for dear life. And then I spotted him. He was just sitting there as if he had absolutely no idea what was going on. Just sitting there on my comforter. Well I certainly didn't want him to come to his senses and start crawling around in my bed for me to never see him again so I killed him. And then I ran out of that room. This morning my mom got me this Silverfish poison which they will supposedly eat and then die. Supposedly. I hope to god it works.

Recently, I think it was about two weeks ago, I discovered a channel on youtube.com which is absolutely worth watching: Charlieissocooollike. Check him out, he's fabulous. Also he's British so he has that adorable British accent! Anyway, back to why I’m bringing him up. In one of his videos, Understanding Teenage Girls, he asks a very interesting question. What are the top three things that go through your head every day? A lot of the girls answered things like, "I hope I don't look fat," "Charlie is so hot," and "I wonder if I would fit into that dryer." Well, I would like to answer this question too.

1. I want my room to be clean but I don't want to clean it.

2. I'm not hungry. Why do I have to eat?

3. I should write that on my hand and then put it on my names list!

Not sure if those are what I think about on a daily basis, but I do think about those quite a lot. What do you think about?

Lately I have been very interested in the website failbooking.com. It’s very amusing. Last night I stayed up late and looked at every single entry on the website (I have no life.). Here are some of my favorites:

http://failbooking.com/2010/02/17/funny-facebook-fails-24-mall-edition/

http://failbooking.com/2010/03/10/funny-facebook-fails-google-autocomplete-bitches/

http://failbooking.com/2010/01/12/funny-facebook-xbox360/

http://failbooking.com/2010/01/10/he-might-be-dead-but-look-at-that-tan/

http://failbooking.com/2010/02/12/funny-facebook-fails-pokemon-taser-future/

http://failbooking.com/2010/01/26/funny-facebook-fails-power-tools/

http://failbooking.com/2010/01/08/ignorance-is-bliss/

http://failbooking.com/2010/01/16/funny-facebook-surprise-youre-an-idiot/

http://failbooking.com/2010/01/18/francis-scott-key-is-disappointed/

http://failbooking.com/2010/03/09/funny-facebook-fails-pomegranates-yes-or-no/

Let's talk about bucket lists shall we? My bucket list is almost entirely filled with things I am not allowed to do. Therefore, most of the things on my list won't be done until I move out. But let's not dwell on the negative, but, rather, think positively... PROTONS! Sorry, I just had to do that. Anyway, here's a small slice of my bucket list:

1. Get a tattoo of a bar-code on the back of my shoulder.

2. Get snakebites.

3. Dye/highlight my hair an unnatural color.

4. Buy every poster I have ever wanted and plaster them all over my walls.

5. Buy whatever clothes I want.

6. Drive with the windows down in the dead of winter.

Speaking of winter, have I told you lately how much I love it? Because I do. It seems like whenever I talk with someone about they’re favorite seasons, they always say summer. Let me be frank with you. Summer is the stupidest most disgusting season known to man. Now let me tell you why. First off, it's scorching hot. Who find it enjoyable to be basically inside an oven every day? Not I. Secondly, because it is so smoldering all the time, everyone is always sweaty. Now some of you may say to just use deodorant and that may work...for like an hour! So then not only are you boiling wherever you go, but you are also surrounded by sticky, wet, smelly people. How revolting! And thirdly, I hate summer because it is always (at least where I live) unbearably humid. I don't know if any of you have humid summers, but let me just say it is very very very unpleasant. For one thing humidity makes the horrible heat even more intense. So, if it is, say, one hundred degrees outside (which it usually is around summer time here), it feel like its one hundred fifty! Another thing is that humidity, at least for me, makes the air hard to breath. So now you are baked, sweaty, and suffocating. How much worse can it get?!

Last but not least, ethnicities. What is your ethnicity? Mine is Polish, Indian, German, Jewish. I know, German Jewish. What in the world? Actually, these two are the ones I am the most proud of. Think about it, how many people can say that they are both German and Jewish? It's wonderful! These two are my biggest ethnicities. I am more Jewish than any of the others, but next come German. I'm not sure which is bigger of last two... Any who, I absolutely love being a German-Jew. Now, don't be confused. I am not Jewish in the religion sense, don’t ever think that (not that I have a problem with Jews. If you are Jewish, then woo hoo for you.). My ethnicity is Jewish but that doesn't mean I am Jewish. One is a religion and one is an ethnicity. Do not be confused. But yes, I love it. I think my origins are the reason I am so interested in the Holocaust. I find the Holocaust severely fascinating. Both sides. The side that believes that Jews are an abomination unto the earth and should disperse all together, and the side that had to run and hide in fear and ultimately get killed. It the most interesting story I think I have ever heard (most interesting TRUE story at least.). I keep looking for good novels on the Holocaust, both fiction and non-fiction, but the ones I keep finding are all dreadfully boring. Yuck. There has only been one book I found that actually held my attention. It's called Obsessed and it is written by Ted Dekker. I remember that one because I bought it after reading it and then the next day I couldn't find it. I still haven't found it. I lost twenty dollars that day :'(

That's all for now. Thanks for reading this insanely long entry. Ciao!

Comments are better than books on the Holocaust

Love,

Maria

Complacent

::Boring life blog warning::

I woke up today not necessarily feeling better and not necessarily feeling worse (look to last blog if you don't understand.). I'm not sure what time i woke up and i don't know how long i laid in my bed either. All i remember of this morning was that my mother was leaving to go somewhere, and that's where my memory ends. I just got back from somewhere. I don't remember where. I think i went over to my cousin Nathaniel's house to wish him a happy birthday. Yeah, that sounds right. I've had this one song put on replay all day. The Man Of A Thousand Faces by Regina Spektor. I keep going back to one line when she sings:

Good is better than perfect

scrub till your fingers are bleeding

and I’m crying for things that

I tell others to do without crying

He used to go to his favorite bookstores

and rip out his favorite pages

and stuff ‘em into his breast pockets

and the moon, to him, was a stranger

I think i understand where Regina is coming from in this song. Certainly i know what she means when she says, "And i'm crying for things that i tell others to do without crying." I'm doing that right now. Normally if someone i knew was sad and complacent over some guy i would simply tell them to either pick themselves up or move on, don't just wallow in self-pity. I know now why they always resented my advise. Sometimes, you just really really want to wallow in self-pity. I actually want to be depressed for a while, okay? I want to be a bit moody. So please don't tell me to move on, because that might make this even worse.

I'm not here to yell at all of you. I don't even know why i keep saying "all of you." As far as i know, there are only two people who even read this blog.

You know how i promised you guys that my every thought is yours to hear? Well don't judge me and call me creepy, but lately i have really been admiring the inside of my forearms. They're so white and clear and you can see the pretty blue veins and bones disappear into pale skin. It's really captivating. How the blue curves and twists, i just love it. Oh dear, i really am sounding creepy now.

I think i have successfully wasted my day completely. My mom might be mad at me. Honestly, i don't really care anymore.

Comments are better than rain

Sincerely,

Me